


"Carolers Will Be Criticised"

by orphan_account



Category: Doctor Who, Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Advent Drabbles, Christmas, Drabble, Gen, Pre-Episode: 2015 Xmas The Husbands of River Song
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-22
Updated: 2018-12-22
Packaged: 2019-09-24 12:22:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 571
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17100518
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: "Do you want to know what I think of your Christmas carols?" the Doctor asked. "I think they're archaic, noisy wastes of time."





	"Carolers Will Be Criticised"

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the December 2nd prompt at [Advent Drabbles](https://adventdrabbles.dreamwidth.org/155872.html).

The moment the Doctor landed at Mendorax Dellora, someone knocked on the TARDIS door. He grumbled, then went to open it.

"Yes? What do you want?"

Instead of an answer, what he heard was:

"Deck the halls with boughs of holly, fa la la la la, la la la la..."

"Oh, no no no. I'd really rather not hear singing," he said, and began to shut the door.

"But, sir, it's Christmas!" said a woman wearing a red Santa hat. "We sing carols for everybody in the neighborhood at Christmas."

"Do you want to know what I think of your Christmas carols?" the Doctor asked.

The group had stopped singing momentarily, and they all smiled at him.

"I think they're archaic, noisy wastes of time. Don't you have better things you could be doing? Like decorating your Christmas trees or something?

"I've had my tree up for about two months now," offered a man in an extremely ugly Christmas sweater.

"Three months for me!" said a Mrs. Claus.

"Oh, why do I even bother?" He sighed. "All right, then. If you must. But I'm warning you: I plan to give a critique when this is done."

They didn't seem to be paying attention to him anymore. Instead, someone played a note on a tuning pipe, and they began another song.

"Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer had a very shiny nose..."

He leaned back against the TARDIS, crossing his arms and frowning more and more deeply as the carolers sang blithely on. When they'd finished, they were all rosy-cheeked and happy. The woman in the Santa hat spoke again.

"So, sir, what do you think now? That's a bit of the old Christmas spirit, eh?"

"Your soprano section needs serious work," he said briskly. "The blend is terrible. The altos were always about a quarter tone off-pitch.... that's incredibly painful to listen to, you know. As for the basses – good God. Haven't you ever heard of a key signature?"

"Why, I never..." the woman in the Santa hat started, but a man in a green sweater waved a hand at her.

"Don't listen to him," he said. "You all sounded brilliant."

"Maybe compared to a bunch of Daleks."

"You don't have to be so rude," the man said. "Where's your Christmas spirit?"

"Must have lost it when the piano hit my head earlier."

"Oh, never mind him," said the old woman. "Let's go to Mr. Charles' house. He always appreciates a good rendition of Deck the Halls."

"Yes, please go bother someone else. I'm busy."

"Oh, but we've almost forgotten the most important part!" said ugly-sweater man. "What do we say, everyone?"

They all chirped in unison, "We hope you have a very merry Christmas, happy Hanukkah, joyous Kwanzaa, or whatever other holiday season you prefer to observe."

"Please tell me you're done now."

"All right, everyone, let's go!" said Santa-hat woman. "Mr. Charles is waiting for us!" The choristers turned and began walking down the street... all except Mrs. Claus, who paused for a moment and put a hand kindly on his arm.

"Try to give Christmas a chance, dear," she said amiably. "Then maybe it will give you one, too."

Before he could reply, she hurried to catch up with the others. He watched them walk for moment, then closed the TARDIS door.

"I'm afraid you can't cure Scrooge that easily," he muttered. "Now then. Where did I put my markers?"


End file.
